Sunday, January 22, 2012

"Disorder in the American Courts"!


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS   : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS   : Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

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ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS : By death.
ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS : Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS    : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS    : If not, he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS    : Are you shitting me?

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS   : Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS    : None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS    : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS   : All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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